Everybody posting statuses and tweeting about how they miss college already and how much they love their best friends at school and their roommates and all of that… I feel a pit in my stomach when I read them. Yeah, I’ll miss New Orleans, and I guess I’ll miss my friends from Tulane. But I’m not too sad about leaving. To be honest, I’m not really broken up about the people I’m leaving. I didn’t make the friendships I hoped to make this year. I didn’t find a group of friends or a best friend that I will miss soooooooo much this summer. And it comes back to me that I feel like I’m missing out on so much in my life. I was more excited to come home than anyone else I know. I don’t get to go back to school to a group of friends that feels almost like family. I’ve always had a hard time making friends; I have a hard time letting go and I am easily annoyed. But I was hoping I would find people at school that I could finally connect with, and to be honest, I never did. The one person I connected with was Jackson, and after everything this year, it could turn disastrous if we remained friends at Tulane.
I hope next year is different. I hope I finally find people I can connect with on a deeper level. Because I know it’s selfish and mean, but I am so jealous of the people who miss school and their school friends, and tears well up in my eyes when I read their statuses and tweets and see their pictures. I want to block them, turn it off, do anything to stop the constant reminder that I’m basically a social failure, that I am missing out on the best things in life. I want to stop feeling so alone, I just want what I never really had, but everyone else seems to have: that group of friends that you can hang with, go out with, have fun with, talk about anything with. I just want to play video games, go to basketball games, and go party with friends I can count on, friends I love, friends that feel like family.
I just want people who will love me for who I am. I just want the comfort and safety of people who love me, and who I love. I just want to have people to miss.