It makes me really, really sad.
Everybody posting statuses and tweeting about how they miss college already and how much they love their best friends at school and their roommates and all of that… I feel a pit in my stomach when I read them. Yeah, I’ll miss New Orleans, and I guess I’ll miss my friends from Tulane. But I’m not too sad about leaving. To be honest, I’m not really broken up about the people I’m leaving. I didn’t make the friendships I hoped to make this year. I didn’t find a group of friends or a best friend that I will miss soooooooo much this summer. And it comes back to me that I feel like I’m missing out on so much in my life. I was more excited to come home than anyone else I know. I don’t get to go back to school to a group of friends that feels almost like family. I’ve always had a hard time making friends; I have a hard time letting go and I am easily annoyed. But I was hoping I would find people at school that I could finally connect with, and to be honest, I never did. The one person I connected with was Jackson, and after everything this year, it could turn disastrous if we remained friends at Tulane.
I hope next year is different. I hope I finally find people I can connect with on a deeper level. Because I know it’s selfish and mean, but I am so jealous of the people who miss school and their school friends, and tears well up in my eyes when I read their statuses and tweets and see their pictures. I want to block them, turn it off, do anything to stop the constant reminder that I’m basically a social failure, that I am missing out on the best things in life. I want to stop feeling so alone, I just want what I never really had, but everyone else seems to have: that group of friends that you can hang with, go out with, have fun with, talk about anything with. I just want to play video games, go to basketball games, and go party with friends I can count on, friends I love, friends that feel like family.
I just want people who will love me for who I am. I just want the comfort and safety of people who love me, and who I love. I just want to have people to miss.
for every single person who reblogs this ill creep ur blog and leave one word that describes you
pls do it this will be fun ok
(via poet1c)
